Editor's Note: This recording of Chodo sensei’s talk offered at the recent Contemplative Care Retreat began a little late, so from the very first moment you'll hear Chodo already in the middle of a story about his mother and his childhood. It's an abrupt, intimate opening that somehow feels perfectly suited to what follows. We hope this talk moves you as much as it moved us.

What are we really afraid of losing when we contemplate death? Is it the people, places, and pleasures we love? Or the feelings of safety, comfort, and belonging they give us?

Drawing on stories from his turbulent childhood, his journey into sobriety, a terrifying skydiving experience, and the small pleasures of everyday life—from his beloved triple espresso to the morning sunlight streaming through his apartment—Chodo examines how easily our desire for pleasure becomes a fear of losing it.

Through the Buddha's Five Remembrances, Chodo invites us to recognize the countless small endings we experience each day: a conversation, a meal, a beautiful morning, even the person we were yesterday. Rather than turning away from life's pleasures, can we learn to experience them fully, without clinging?

As Chodo reminds us, “Perhaps the deepest freedom is not getting to keep what I love. Perhaps it's discovering that I can love what I cannot keep.”

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‍MUSIC

‍Heart Sutra by Kanho Yakushiji – Buddhist priest and musician of the Rinzai sect and Imaji temple in Imabari, Japan. In 2003, he formed “KISSAQUO”, a songwriting duo based in Kyoto.